


Soft

by Luxie



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Blowjobs, Difficult Hard-Ons, M/M, Soft Hearts, hard decisions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-13 20:11:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9140428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luxie/pseuds/Luxie
Summary: When Jimmy finds himself in a very hard situation, Thomas is the only one he can turn to for help.





	1. And so the ache begins

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry I'm so dreadfully late to the “Thomas Barrow deserves to be happy”-party, but at least I've brought a gift. In draft this started as a cracky porn fic and ended as a “how to make Thomas Barrow's life better”-fic. It wasn't my intend, but I can't seem to be sorry about the result.

At a quarter to ten Jimmy finally heard the fall of familiar steps outside in the hallway. He darted to the door and opened it ajar, sticking just his head out.

“Mr. Barrow,” he whispered, stopping Thomas in his tracks.

“Hey, what are you doing out of bed?” Thomas said bemused. “You don't even look sick.”

“I'm not.” Jimmy admitted. “Not really. I need your help.”

“What is it?”

Jimmy cast a glance down the empty hall and then back at Thomas. For once he wished Thomas wasn't so scared of invading Jimmy's personal space, that he would come closer, just a step, so Jimmy wouldn't have to worry about being overheard. Wishing didn't make it so, however, and Thomas just kept looking at him, puzzled. Jimmy had to remind himself that he had made this decision hours ago and now was his only chance. He stepped back to let Thomas into his room, but the other man didn't move.

“Get in and close the door,” Jimmy pressed. Thomas raised an eyebrow at him, before looking down the hall as Jimmy just had, making sure the coast was clear. Carefully he closed Jimmy's door behind him.

Jimmy didn't let himself hesitate, instead instantly dropping his hands to reveal his problem. Thomas took one look, then closed his eyes and took a steadying breath through his nose, clenching his hand.

“What do you expect me to do exactly?” Thomas finally said, sounding a bit sharp.

“Anything. Please, Thomas.” Jimmy said, deliberately using Thomas' given name. “It's been like this all day. I'm going crazy from it.”

Thomas, despite the pained expression, actually managed to look sympathetic. “Have you tried getting off?”

“Don't be daft, 'course I have.”

“Then what do you think I can do that you can't?”

“I said I've tried, not that I succeeded. I can't focus enough to,” he faltered. “to get through it myself.”

“So you want me to...?” Thomas asked, leaving the ending open. Jimmy had kind of hoped he wouldn't have to ask for it, but he also understood why Thomas was being cautious.

“I want you to get me off.” Jimmy muttered. It wasn't very loud, but it sounded very loud in his own ears.

“Are you going to get me arrested?” Thomas asked, and there was something hard - no hurt - in his eyes that Jimmy couldn't rightly blame him for.

“'Course not.” Jimmy said, softly and with as much earnestly he could muster. “Just, please. I'll beg if you want that.”

“Save your begging.” Thomas said, amusement and affection making his features softer than Jimmy remembered seeing them in a long time. It didn't last long, though, because as soon as Thomas started taking off his jacket a tightness set in the man's shoulders, making his movements stiff. Jimmy couldn't say why, but the change in Thomas' composure changed the mood of the whole room and suddenly Jimmy felt a lot like he had the time he had gone to see Dr. Clarkson about a rash.

The memory reminded Jimmy that Thomas had trained as a medic once, made him wonder if Thomas was trying to be clinical about this – whatever this was. Jimmy wished he could do the same, but instead he felt his cheeks burn and the muscles of his lower stomach tighten while he watched Thomas undo his cuffs and roll up his sleeves.

“Ever had anyone touch you before?” Thomas asked, hitting nonchalant far better than Jimmy could have if the roles were reversed.

“No.” Jimmy said, voice breaking. He cleared his throat.

Thomas nodded. “Then this is going to feel slightly different,” he said and reached out towards Jimmy.

The movement made Jimmy take a step backwards, out of reach, but the instant he did so he hated himself, because one, Thomas had only been reaching for his wrist, and two, Jimmy had been the one to ask Thomas – no, _beg_ him - to touch him in the first place.

Thomas eyed him stiffly, as if waiting for Jimmy to say he'd changed his mind, or worse. Instead of an apology Jimmy held out his left hand, letting Thomas close his fingers around his wrist. They waited like that for almost a full minute, the two of them just standing there in Jimmy's room, facing each other, and when Jimmy finally found the courage to meet Thomas' eyes he found his own nervousness reflected there.

Then, slowly, Thomas moved Jimmy's hand down between them, keeping eye contact.

“Touch yourself.” Thomas said, voice low and grainy, and Jimmy did.

He stuck his left hand into his pyjamas bottoms, taking Thomas' hand with him. The restriction of Thomas' hold made it awkward, as Jimmy grabbed the hard flesh of his cock and started stroking, but he eased up fairly quickly, his body desperate for the attention.

Thomas must have noticed the tension drain out of him, because he moved closer, loosening his hold on Jimmy's wrist to slide his hand down, fingers intertwining with Jimmy's own. Jimmy faltered then, hand almost stopping, but Thomas simply took over, moving both their hands up and down, over the head and back to the root. The combined touch of their fingers send sparks though Jimmy and the deafening fact that Thomas was touching him like this soon faded into a background noise.

Jimmy barely registered that he was canting his hips out, so overwhelmed was he with the sensation. He had been hard now for near a day, had tried to get off for as long, but to no use. Despite several desperate chases for release nothing had brought him close and by now his left wrist was hurting and his entire body was burning up with frustration. In the end he had accepted that he wasn't going to be successful and he had forced himself to steady as he waited for the sound of Thomas' steps outside his door.

Closing his eyes, Jimmy tried to focus on the feeling of being stroked, but the loss of his sight made him sway slightly. Without missing a beat, Thomas' free hand came up to cradle the back of his neck, pressing gently until Jimmy rested his forehead against Thomas for support. Thomas stood firm, a solid frame that Jimmy knew he could surrender all his weight onto, if needed. It was an oddly tender thought to have, but Jimmy didn't dismiss it. For once he was glad of Thomas' apparent devotion.

Despite Thomas' clear practice in touching another man, the minutes passed and Jimmy wasn't anywhere near where he so desperately needed to go.

“Its not working,” Jimmy hissed, frustration finally past the brim.

“Okay, okay. No need to go off.” Thomas said, removing his hand from Jimmy's cock. “Sorry.”

“It's not your fault. In fact,” Jimmy volunteered, “it felt better with you.”

“It always does,” Thomas said, adding hastily, “with someone else.”

“It's just-” Jimmy tried to find the right way to explain it. “I usually imagine things, pictures, scenes inside my head. But I can't now, I'm too much of a mess.”

“Alright. Maybe I can help.” Thomas said, sounding more business-like than he looked, with his dark fringe falling into his eyes and his lips so red they looked obscene. “Tell me what you usually think of and I'll try to paint you a pretty picture.”

This was a dangerous game, one Jimmy would never have agreed to under normal circumstances. But then, under normal circumstances Thomas would never have dared to ask.

“I think of girls.” Jimmy starts, feeling like shit for even saying it when Thomas was right there. “Not the easy kind, but the daring kind. The kind that makes the first move, because they know how.”

“The kind in control?”

“No, she'd like it if I took control, but she'd make sure I earned it. I'd have to be a man, be worth her effort.”

“And she would touch you like this?” Thomas said, his hand returning to Jimmy's hard cock. “Tease you. Make sure you were aching for her.”

“I already am.”

“I bet the sight of you like this would make her wet.” Thomas said. His voice was all grainy and broken, and Jimmy realised, jolt of want in his groin, that Thomas sounded hot like this. “And then she would get on her knees, all pretty-like and take you in her mouth.”

“Do it.” Jimmy said, not giving it a second thought. “Do that to me.”

Thomas swallowed visibly, but did as Jimmy asked with out comment.

 _So used to taking orders_ , Jimmy thought and wondered briefly if that was how Thomas liked it best in the bedroom, too.

Jimmy found he quite liked _giving_ orders. Liked the way it made him feel like an important man. He also discovered, as Thomas took him in, wet heat and pressure surrounding his cock, that every sensation that shot through his body was made better by the way Thomas was looking up at him, grey eyes blown dark with lust and lips stretched around Jimmy's cock. He liked that a lot, actually, and from the way Thomas was moaning around him he reckoned Thomas liked it, too.

 _Of course he likes it_ , Jimmy thought. _He's probably been wanting to do this for years now_. The thought brought with it a tang of guilt, because Jimmy did know it was wildly unfair to drag Thomas into this. He had thought about it when he had first been deciding who to ask, knew that giving Thomas this and nothing else would hurt his friend, but in the end there really wasn't a choice to be made. Thomas was the only one Jimmy would ever consider asking this of.

He did his best to keep his hips from moving, but on the few times he let himself thrust Thomas just took it, just shut his eyes and made room for Jimmy at the back of his throat. Mostly, though, it was Thomas who did the work, moving his head and working Jimmy's cock with his lips and tongue.

The orgasm finally began building, tugging at every nerve ending at once, and when Thomas took him down to the root, dark eyes locking with Jimmy's as he swallowed around him, it rolled through him like a tidal wave of fire.

It took a while before Jimmy had collected himself enough to focus. By then Thomas had tugged his softening cock back into his pants and was looking uncharacteristically unsure. Maybe he thought that Jimmy was going to throw him out now, disgusted by what had happened.

What _had_ happened was that Thomas had sucked him off, given Jimmy more of himself than anyone ever had and then swallowed his come, all while looking as if Jimmy was the one doing him a favour. It made Jimmy feel like a piece of shit.

“I'm sorry.”

“Don't be.” Thomas said, giving a smile that was made unconvincing by the fact that he couldn't meet Jimmy's eyes.

“This wasn't fair to you.”

“I got what I wanted, didn't I?”

“Did you?” Jimmy doubted very much that what Thomas had wanted was to be used and discarded. “Thomas-”

“I think you better call me Mr. Barrow for a while.” Thomas said, but he didn't look like Mr. Barrow at all then. He looked vulnerable, like he had that day in his room, when Jimmy had agreed to be his friend; The day he had first worked his way into Jimmy's consciousness as _Thomas_. It made it very hard not to think of him that way now.

“Just to get a bit of distance.” Thomas added.

Jimmy opened his mouth to argue, but the way Thomas was looking at him, pleadingly, made Jimmy hold his tongue.

“If that's what you want.” He said instead. “Mr. Barrow.”

 


	2. The Hard Part

The next morning Jimmy was almost surprised when everyone went about their business as if the world hadn't shifted drastically last night. He had stayed up late, images of Thomas sucking him off haunting him. He had gotten hard and then gotten off, faster and harder than he ever remembered doing before and he wasn't going to pretend he didn't know why.

He had tried, after he and Thomas had gotten to be friends, to imagine what it would be like to be with a man; He had grown fond of Thomas, liked his dry wit and his smug charm, and maybe it had been guilt at how he had once treated Thomas like a perverted criminal that spurred him to mentally explore the concept. Certainly, if his best friend could like it, then Jimmy should at least try to understand it.

What he found was that the idea of being taken by a man, of having rough hands touch him and use him, was too much for him. Jimmy knew what he wanted from women, knew the way he wanted to have them. The thought of another man treating him like that had been scary, to say the least.

What Thomas had done to him hadn't been scary. Thomas had been soft, gentle and giving. It had felt safe, felt like Jimmy was the one in charge, even though he had been the one in ruins. Thomas could probably have done a lot of things to Jimmy and Jimmy would have allowed it. If it had felt good and gotten him of, Jimmy would have let Thomas have him in any way he wanted, but instead Thomas had been the submissive one.

I got what I wanted, Thomas had said. And he had. Maybe not all he wanted, Jimmy knew that much, but what they _had_ done had been enough to turn the collected, in-control Thomas Barrow into a moaning, unsteady mess. And God help him, Jimmy had loved it, too.

“Good morning, Jimmy.” Thomas said, coming up behind him in the servants' hall. He looked pristine as ever, and if the picture of Thomas with lust-blown eyes, hair in disorder and lips stretched around Jimmy's cock hadn't etched it's way into Jimmy's mind, he would have forsworn that Thomas could even look that undone.

“Good morning.” Jimmy said and added, “Mr. Barrow,” both to acknowledge what had happened between them as well as simply to see the reaction.

What he got was the softest of smiles, almost as if Thomas couldn't keep it from taking over his face, but it was schooled away expertly as Thomas took a seat at the table.

As Thomas had asked Jimmy kept his distance for the rest of the day. Usually they would find each other in the halls, exchange remarks or gossip, and the loss of those small moments made Jimmy's day unbearably dull and grey. Instead he filled it with fantasies of Thomas, or memories, really. He recalled the way Thomas had worked his cock with his mouth and tongue, the way his fingers had dug into Jimmy's hips and the way he had sounded while doing it. It was the latter that had Jimmy retreating to the bathroom before tea, to get himself off.

It hadn't been like this for years. He was a grown man who should be able to control his body, but apparently Thomas Fucking Barrow had sucked that right out of him with his talented fucking mouth.

He wondered what Thomas would say if he knew what he was doing to Jimmy, even now. Would it make him happy? Or did getting what he wanted mean that Thomas was done with him now? That hit him unexpectedly hard, the idea that Thomas might no longer desire Jimmy the way he had before. Had being the object of Thomas' affection really become that big a part of his self-identity?

It wasn't until later, when the family was dining, that Jimmy found an answer for several of his unspoken questions. He was standing across from Thomas, back to the wall, while the Crawley's chattered on, when he glanced over to see if Thomas was willing to even look at him. What he found was that Thomas was uncharacteristically distant for a man who prided himself in keeping up with the family's affairs. It was clear as daylight that Thomas was in his own head and Jimmy knew well enough what he was finding there. The idea that careful Thomas would be thinking of last night in such a public place was enough to send a rush of satisfaction through Jimmy.

“You should spent more time with the real me and less with the imaginary one.” Jimmy said, when he found Thomas sitting alone outside, smoking. Thomas scooted over to make room for him, but Jimmy ignored it, instead choosing to stand right in front of Thomas so he could look down on him. If Thomas noticed the connotation he didn't say.

“I don't need to imagine now, do I?” Thomas said, boldly. He handed his lit cigarette to Jimmy and took a new one for himself.

“Does that make it easier for you, or harder?” Jimmy wondered out loud.

That finally got him Thomas' full attention. “What are you on about?”

“When I'm not available.”

“Well, I've bloody well gotten used to you not being available.” Thomas said, then quickly eyed Jimmy as if expecting the lewd implication to have a backlash.

 _What if I was?_ Jimmy thought, but he dared not say it out loud, not when he wasn't sure. No, he was sure. He liked girls well enough, liked how you could take them to the movies or out dancing, liked the way other men got jealous when he was with a pretty one. He could never have that with Thomas. Even if he liked the way Thomas had looked at him as if Jimmy was something grand and important. Even if the way Thomas had touched him had nothing to do with the bone-chilling images Jimmy had conjured up in the past.

They could, maybe, have an affair, but even if they managed to be discreet about it, and God knew it would be near impossible to do in a house like this, it would still lead to a lot of pain and heartache. Thomas was in love with him – for whatever reason Jimmy couldn't fathom – but Jimmy had never loved anyone but himself, not truly. You couldn't build a relationship on being in love with the idea of someone else being in love with you, could you?

“Well, I haven't.” Jimmy said instead. “I was bored out of my mind without you all day. I even volunteered to help Alfred with the trays just now.”

“How very uncharacteristic of you.” Thomas said, giving Jimmy a cheeky smile in reply to the venomous look Jimmy shot him.

“I do have a heart, you know.”

“Do you, now?” Thomas asked, blowing out smoke before he looked up at Jimmy, eyes wary and lips slightly parted. It was then Jimmy realised that Thomas was very aware of their positioning.

Thomas hadn't looked at him like this for months, probably wouldn't have risked it for fear that Jimmy would be uncomfortable. This was a slip, deliberate or not, and it made Jimmy wonder how careless he could make Thomas. He cast a glance towards the servant's entrance before taking a small step forward and as expected, Thomas instinctively spread his legs apart to accommodate Jimmy between them.

“So much for distance.” Thomas just said. It took Jimmy a moment to realise that he wasn't just talking about their proximity.

“As I said, it didn't agree with me.” Jimmy gave a tiny shrug, adding. “But I suppose I could still call you Mr. Barrow, if you want.”

“There isn't much point, if you're going to stand like that.”

“Like what?”

“Don't act coy, I don't like it.” Thomas said. “What? Now suddenly you feel comfortable enough to tease me with my feelings and you know I'm daft enough not to stop you.”

“I'm not teasing you.” Jimmy said, not even bothering to pretend he was surprised about Thomas lingering feelings. They were way past that. “I'm just trying to get used to things being different.”

“Nothing's different, Jimmy. You're- not like me.” Thomas managed to press out.

“No, I'm not.” Jimmy agreed, ignoring the inevitable flinch from Thomas. “The things you did to me-” Jimmy paused and leaned down close to Thomas' ear. “I couldn't do that. I couldn't have a man use me like that.” He swallowed, throat dry. “But I liked it when you did it.”

“Wha-?”

“And maybe if you hadn't forced a kiss on me in my sleep my idea about your desires had been different.” Jimmy pressed on. “And none of this matters, does it, because we can't. We can't do anything.” It spilled out of him now, all his thoughts and fears, “I can't even kiss you right now, I'd risk getting us both arrested, and you wouldn't thank me for that.”

He took a step back, moving out of Thomas' reach before the other man could catch up, and coward as he was, Jimmy left Thomas sitting there alone, smoke long forgotten

 


	3. Ever After

Since Jimmy and Thomas usually were the instigators when it came to social shenanigans it was a quiet evening in the servants' hall. Alfred pressed for a game of cards, seeming oddly affected by the tension between Jimmy and Thomas, and since the lad hadn't done anything all day to warrant Jimmy's hostility he agreed with the condition that Thomas would join in as well. It was three quick games with Alfred the only one with his head in it.

“Did you two have a fight?” Alfred asked in the end, looking uncomfortable even though he had just won three games in a row.

“Barely.” Thomas said, glancing at Jimmy before giving Alfred a stiff smile. “Don't look so broken up about it, Alfred. We're not your damn parents.”

It was edging on something dangerous to say, but during the months Jimmy and Thomas had been friends Alfred had gotten used to their queer bantering, just like he had gotten used to seeing them sticking their heads together in the halls to exchange gossip and run in and out of each other's room at odd hours. It only then occurred to Jimmy that maybe all of the staff had gotten used to it. He and Thomas had been sneaking around, acting like a couple for ages and no one had bothered with them so far.

“Did you know?” Jimmy said quietly when Thomas came to his room that evening. “Did you know we've been in a relationship for near a year now? I didn't.”

“Everyone forms relationships in service, Jimmy.” Thomas said, almost resignedly. “Most are just platonic, but everyone has them. Look at Mr. Carson and Mrs. Huges.”

“I'd rather not.” Jimmy said, getting a soft huff of amusement out of Thomas.

“If I'd never asked you yesterday,” Jimmy pushed, “if I'd never let you touch me, you would just have been happy to be my friend for life and call it a marriage?”

Thomas didn't answer at first, seemed to give his reply some thought as if he hadn't been expecting this conversation at all, which seemed highly unlikely to Jimmy.

“I never thought I could change you.” Thomas said eventually, sitting down on Jimmy's bed. “I know I've been like this all my life, it's not something you become.” he hesitated. “But I thought, maybe if we became good enough friends, we'd get to a point where you'd stop caring that I was a man.”

“That's mad.”

“Maybe a bit.” Thomas agreed. “I'm not always at my brightest when you're involved.”

“Good.” Jimmy said, adrenalin rushing through him as soon as he had made up his mind. “Because I'm planning on asking something extremely stupid of you.”

He didn't, though. He didn't say a single thing, just took a step forward and got on his knees in front of where Thomas was sitting. It didn't bring them level, Thomas sitting just a bit higher than him, but it was enough that Jimmy could grab hold of Thomas' shirt and pull him in for a kiss.

It wasn't much different than kissing a girl. Thomas was clean-shaven, had soft lips and was so very pliant when Jimmy pressed their mouths together. It wasn't until Thomas moaned, low and needy, that Jimmy was reminded that what they were doing was considered dirty and immoral by most. For some reason, though, that just sent a stab of arousal towards his groin as Thomas' hand came up to tangle itself into his curls.

Breaking the kiss just long enough to push Thomas back on the bed, Jimmy quickly straddled Thomas' hips and reclaimed his mouth. This time the kiss became a little rougher, Thomas taking charge of the tempo, but Jimmy couldn't really find a reason to care. Not when it felt like this, a slow-burning need setting his veins on fire. Then Thomas bucked up against Jimmy, their cocks rubbing together through layers of clothes and Jimmy let out a moan, forgetting where they were and how very thin the walls.

Thankfully Thomas had the diligence to silence him with a hand.

“You're gonna be the death of me, James Kent.” Thomas said, but his voice was full of reverence, as if being slain for making love to Jimmy would be the sweetest way to go.

Making love, was that what they were doing? Jimmy knew that even between men there was more to it than this. There was a reason it was called buggery, after all, and while Jimmy had never cared to find out exactly what was involved, he knew Thomas had probably tried it.

Jimmy wasn't ready for that, not nearly, but when Thomas' fingers dug into Jimmy's thigh to get his attention, and he asked, voice broken, if he could get Jimmy off with his mouth again, Jimmy breathed out a equally ragged, _Yes, please!_

With strong arms Thomas flipped them both around on the bed, hovering over Jimmy for a moment as if he was still scared such display of aggression could scare Jimmy off. To Jimmy's surprise the raw need in Thomas' eyes wasn't intimidating. There was nothing dangerous about Thomas' desire, except maybe for the intensity of it.

Slowly Thomas slid fingers up Jimmy's sides, pushing his shirt up as he went. Then, when Jimmy was bare-chested, Thomas leaned down to kiss a trail across Jimmy's chest, finding a nipple and sucking it in. The sensation sent a flare towards Jimmy's cock, reminding him again of how hard he had become, all because of this man.

“I need-” He muttered, unable to formulate what he needed, although Thomas' mouth was definitely involved either way.

Thomas seemed to know exactly what Jimmy needed, though, so he travelled further down, dotting kisses as he went. Getting Jimmy's pyjamas bottoms and pants off seemed to take forever, maybe just because it robbed him of Thomas' mouth during the process, but then it was back, closing around the head of Jimmy's cock with such care.

Thomas had his hands on Jimmy's hips, to keep him from bucking up, but when it proved a futile task Thomas spread Jimmy's legs further apart instead, likely in an attempt to take Jimmy's leverage away form him. Oddly enough, Jimmy didn't even care that he was spreading his legs like a wanton whore, because Thomas was doing things to him with his tongue that was making his head spin, so surely he couldn't be blamed.

Focusing every last bit of his attention - at least the shreds left that wasn't watching Thomas' face with rapt interest - he fought to keep quiet. If they were going to get away with sneaking around it very much depended on Jimmy's ability to do just that.

He came trembling, biting his lower lip and with Thomas' dark eyes fixed longingly on him.

“I-” he mumbled, as Thomas had milked him dry with his mouth, “I want to see you come.”

Maybe it was the haze of his orgasm messing with him, but Jimmy thought Thomas looked decidedly beautiful in that moment.. Not just his usual handsome, no, it was more than that. His fringe was lose and in his face and his lips were swollen and shiny with spit and likely also Jimmy's come. His eyes were dark and hooded, his own arousal making him flushed and panting slightly.

In that moment Jimmy thought Thomas would never look more attractive, but then he worked his own hard cock out of his trousers and started stroking it with abandon, and that set a whole new bar. Jimmy couldn't help reaching up, putting his palms on Thomas' thighs and rubbing them, hands sliding up and down on the inseam of his trousers.

Thomas came so silently that it put Jimmy's attempt at being quiet to shame, semen shooting in hot, white ribbons over Jimmy's chest, marking him for none other then Thomas to see, which Jimmy found strangely appropriate, if any of this was.

Honestly, he had never imagined it could be so hot to see another man get off, but then, until yesterday Jimmy had never thought it would be so hot to see someone swallowing down his semen either, but after watching Thomas doing it twice it had definitely made the list of things Jimmy wanted more of.

Right in the top of the list, however, was “Thomas looking at him as if he'd hung the moon”, but then, Jimmy was pretty sure he couldn't have stopped that from happening, even if he had hated it. Not now, not ever.

'Till death did them part.

 


End file.
